I have just received the thoughts from my eldest son and partner. Again, I am publishing this as it was sent in to me and make no apologies for the raw emotion. Please remember, the purpose of this is to try and help any other family who have suffered in this way. To try to show you the best way forward is through strength of family ties, and to talk about it!
Dan and Emma's story
Nothing in life can mentally prepare you for that moment, that unexpected phone call to tell you that a loved one has taken a turn for the worst. I remember I was travelling to work for the afternoon with my partner Emma and we were approaching the Metro Centre on the A1 on a lovely sunny afternoon when I received a call from my Uncle with a very brief but clear message which was 'Daniel your dad has collapsed you need to come home'. Well at the time I was driving a lovely British racing green Volkswagen Passat with 150k miles on and a broken gearbox but somehow that thing shifted like a Lamborghini to get me back home. A couple of small obstacles slowed me down on the way but one springs to mind, now I reserve a special kind of hatrid for cyclists anyway but on the final stretch leading back to my parents house there were two cycling side
by side taking up most of the lane so as I went to overtake I wound the window down and shouted some sort of profanity at them.
Upon arrival at the house there was my Uncle waiting for me outside. He tried to tell me to brace myself and that the paramedics were inside working on him but I didn't pay much attention because I just wanted to get inside. I remember my Aunt, my mother and the cleaner being in the front room all speechless and upset. I now find myself stood at the feet of this man who had been a pillar of strength throughout my entire life lying motionless on the floor, the life drained out of him. It hit me like a train and I had to take myself out of the room for a moment as the shock set in. I went into the study closely followed by my partner and I stood and put my arms around my head and just kept saying no, no, no as my poor girlfriend balled her eyes out and tried her best to comfort me. After 30 seconds I went back into the living room and stood at the feet of my father again, watching helplessly as three amazing paramedics worked tirelessly on him for what seemed like an age. One of them could see I was clearly in shock and asked me to hold the bag of fluids that was being fed into my father. That small job gave me a sense that I was helping in some kind of way and I used that to try and compose myself. No sooner as I'd composed myself my brother Jonathan entered the room and instantly the shock hit him. He had gone completely white and seemed like he had frozen in time. I remember saying to myself over and over come on, come on begging for a sign of life. Suddenly something happened, the paramedics started moving and there was the faintest of heartbeats showing on the monitor and within a minute it was all systems go. My brother, uncle and I assisted lifting my father onto the bed. Anyone who has met my father before will understand that this generally isn't an easy task!
The next thing I know is my father had been whisked away in an ambulance with my brother and my Aunt and Uncle followed up in the car behind them to Cramlington hospital. I stayed behind with Emma to take care of my poor mother who was absolutely beside herself. She was suffering with shock and had tried to be comforted the whole time by their cleaner, Moira. I did the best I could to step up to the plate and take charge of the situation despite still taking in the event.
For what seemed like hours we were sat waiting for an update from the hospital but eventually news came through that he had been resuscitated, however he was in a coma and was going to be transferred from Cramlington to the Freeman to have a stent fitted but we were allowed to come and see him before he was transferred. My poor mother must have felt like she was on a roller coaster in her wheel chair as I drove to A&E and dashed through the hospital! I think my mother took a small crumb of comfort from being able to hold his hand even though he didn't know she was doing it while he was hooked up to all these machines. One of the doctors explained to us that he had no idea the extent of the damage that had been done to the heart or the brain. Unfortunately in those circumstances you can only think the worst.
After being transferred to the Freeman and having a stent fitted the hospital informed us that he was in critical care and we were allowed to visit but only in groups no larger that 4. My brother and sister in law Anna took my mother over to visit him first while Emma and I went back to our house to collect some clothes and toiletries so we could stay at my parents house to take care of my mother. I was not able to visit until a few hours after they had been but I was lucky enough to get to visit on my own in the evening. As I walked in I couldn't believe it, there he was propped up in the bed awake! My father was unable to talk and kept attempting to speak but it was just coming out as strange burbling noises, however he was awake and knew that I was there. I sat and held his hand and couldn't do anything but cry as I sat by his bedside. I was very grateful that I was on my own because I am terrible with showing emotion. I couldn't help but think is what my father is going to be like for the rest of his life?
There's not a day goes by where I don't think about it. What the hell happened to stop him from entering those pearly gates?! I've no idea but I am thankful that he is still here.
Thank you, Dan and Emma. I really do know how hard this has been on you both.
God bless
No picture, just a thought......whether you think you can, or whether you think you cannot, you are probably right anyway